be_on_key

My friend Paula was my main contact at World Vision UK. We worked together with some regularity and it was always a pleasure. Last Friday was her last day at WVUK. I had been giving her a hard time about quitting, all in good fun of course. The following email and subsequent exchange are the culmination of a month of friendly jousting. Me – waiting for a a flight home in the Tulsa International Airport. Paula – boxing her personal effects from her cubicle in an office in Milton Keynes, UK…

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From: Michael

To: Paula

Subject: Quitter’s Day

In honor of our last day as colleagues, I looked and looked for Quitter’s Day cards at the local card shop but they didn’t know what I was talking about.  So I quit looking.   And you know what?   I think you’re onto something.  It made me realize what is wrong with the world today.  If everyone would just embrace the quitter in them as you have there would be fewer – or at least shorter – wars.  There would be more jobs available.   Less overcrowding in schools.  The student/teacher ratio would be far more desirable.  There would be less of a wait in the grocery store check out line.  Less traffic.   Less poverty because people would quit having so many kids.  Less obesity.   I could keep listing benefits of quitting but, well, I quit.   If only more people knew what YOU knew.  What WE know.  Quitting is King.  Or Queen, on your side of the pond.

I salute you.

M

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From: Paula 

To: Michael

Subject: RE: Quitter’s Day

Dear Sir

Firstly, I should like to thank you for your ‘quitters’ communication, however I do feel I should point out there is a misplaced apostrophe in the title.   As I understand it, if one is referring to quitters, plural, one should place the apostrophe after the ‘s’, not preceding it. Glaring grammar inadequacies aside, I do however agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment contained in said communication. Indeed, if the world was simply to quit, world wars, poverty and uhm, mold would cease to be an issue. I am exceedingly gratified to know that in my last day of employ at World Vision, I have at last stumbled upon the solution to the world’s problems.

Yours, most quittingly,

P

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From: Michael

To: Paula

Subject: RE: Quitter’s Day

While I can see how you might be confused by the placement of the apostrophe in Quitter’s Day, it is, in fact, accurate as the day is in honor (or honour, in the Queen’s English) of the first, solitary, trailblazing quitter…you. Quit being so humble. Oh, wait. Like I have to remind YOU to quit ANYTHING…

p.s.

Might I also suggest to men worldwide that white trousers are best purchased with a liner and worn with lightly colored (or coloured, in the Queen’s English) undergarments? And if neither of these suggestions is met with a positive response, please avoid leaning over the back of the seats at gate 59 in the Tulsa International Airport.

At.All.Costs.

I mean REALLY…

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From: Paula

To: Michael

Subject: RE: Quitter’s Day

Ah yes, Dodgy Underpant Man – a type of anti superhero us Europeans are very familiar with. Symptoms vary from the white trousers/black undies combo through to football shirt worn under formal white business shirt and worse, white socks worn with shoes which are not suitable for sporting activities. One can only assume these men do not have mirrors.

Or wives.